


The Darkness Embraced Me

by orphan_account



Category: Star Wars, Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Character Analysis, I have strong feelings about Kylo, Kylo and the new jedi order theory, M/M, Slow Build, Softcore Porn, only a little though
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-08
Updated: 2016-01-13
Packaged: 2018-05-12 12:09:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 12,204
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5665600
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Han and Leia had never expected Ben to be force sensitive. Luke had sensed the force residing within Ben, but he said nothing because he was still young. The moment it became important was when Ben was staying with Luke on Endor. Ewok children would play games with Ben and some would include slingshots and rocks."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. In The Beginning

At this moment he was known as Ben, named after Ben Kenobi. His mother, leader of the resistance and force sensitive, his father, assisted the resistance and is a smuggler turned hero. Ben had become a light of their lives and even significant to others. As a young child he spent time with Chewbacca and caught onto the wookie’s language fast. Every so often Ben was allowed to stay with his uncle Luke. 

Han and Leia had never expected Ben to be force sensitive. Luke had sensed the force residing within Ben, but he said nothing because he was still young. The moment it became important was when Ben was staying with Luke on Endor. Ewok children would play games with Ben and some would include slingshots and rocks. 

Ben didn’t like to lose and was competitive. Ben would even have outbursts if something didn’t go his way. That made Luke fear for his nephew. During a skirmish with the Ewoks (think paintball but you know) Ben was about to get hit, but the rock stopped midair after he put his arms up. When he looked the rock was floating calmly until his fear subsided. 

“Uncle Luke may I ask a question?” Ben asked when he returned to the hut they were residing in. It was a peaceful place that made Ben feel at ease. Luke was working on something and nodded his head to prompt Ben to go ahead. “How did you know that you were a jedi?”

“I wasn’t told I was a jedi, but I was told that I was strong with the force.” Ben recalled something about jedis wielding the force, but not everyone that can is a jedi.

“So am I not a jedi?” Ben asked. It was his dream to be like his uncle Luke. 

“That depends if you’re capable.” Luke replied in an almost quizzical tone. He put down the device he was working on and sat down near Ben on the floor.

“I am capable! I used the force earlier!” Ben was practically buzzing with excitement. 

“If you prove it we can begin your training, but with Leia’s permission of course.” Ben jumped up and fretted around to demonstrate and suggested that they leave Endor immediately. It was the happiest Luke ever saw him. 

 

Leia and Han were torn to allow Ben to train under Luke. It meant they would not see him as much. They didn’t have to worry about their son becoming a hermit of sorts because Luke said he was going to train other students. 

Despite Luke’s promise to keep Ben safe Leia worried. Luke informed her that with his time spent with Ben that he’s been sensing the taint of the dark side. She knew Ben would be better with Luke because she was not trained in the ways of the force and Han didn’t understand it. She could not even think about the taint in her son and she never told Han.

Within a year Luke gathered enough students to train on Dagobah. With the help of Leia’s people a temple and clear courtyards were made for the students. before their first day of training Luke told him about the type of training he had received from Yoda. They would receive relatively similar training.

Luke saw the temple as a permanent home for him now. Within his room he had a secret compartment installed and there he kept the remnants of his father, the helmet and lightsaber. Ben had once asked about him and Luke only said he died a good man and was exceptional with the force. He feared allowing Ben to know that he’s the grandson of Darth Vader would strengthen the dark side within him.

In two years Ben was finally twelve. Leia and Han visited Dagobah this time because Ben said his time was spent focusing on the force. Luke had helped them with a present for Ben. They had been training with normal staffs for a while now and Kylo has been pestering Luke for a lightsaber. Luke gave them a blue lightsaber for Ben while obtained rare books for the boy. 

At the temple Ben read many books for entertainment. He would spar with peers and train his focus on the force, but Luke had told him he was excelling beyond everyone else. Ben took up reading almost every form of literature, even from the days of the old republic. When his parents arrived, with Luke, he was surprised to be torn away from a book. 

A celebration was held for him in the temple common room. He received small gifts, mostly handmade, from Luke’s other students. It was a delight for him to receive what Luke had gotten him (He was running out of books). His mother told him that she’d give him his gift later when the others are asleep. 

To Ben it seemed like forever for the other students to go to sleep. His parents and uncle were in the dining area talking about something. Maybe past memories? Ben thought. The current problem was that Ben was becoming bored waiting. He walked up and down the halls for hours. Eventually the courtyard was empty and he went out there to practice with his telekinesis. He could already move most objects at ease, but now he wanted to try something different. 

They didn’t have moving objects, but the skies of Dagobah were plentiful with birds. He tried to stretch his power to their height, but his strength could not cover the distance. After multiple attempts he gave up and searched the ground for a lizard. On top of a bench was a resting reptile. Ben caused a disturbance on the bench to get it moving. All of his focus was put on stopping the lizard.

Almost instantly the lizard was floating in the air. It no longer moved and Ben feared he applied to much pressure to stop it. Killing innocent animals without reason went against the code that Luke had taught him. He released his hold on the lizard and let it fall into his hands. His grip with the force had probably crushed an organ, but the lizard was still barely alive. Letting this animal suffer was not his intention and he quickly put it out of misery. 

At the curfew hour Ben was retrieved from his room by his uncle. Luke led him back to the common room where his parents waited. His mother had an embroidered box in her hands. Ben gasped when he realized what it was. He ran up and hugged his parents and took the box. 

“Your uncle says you have to put it together yourself like all jedi.” Leia told Ben as he studied the pieces of the lightsaber. He already knew the process of putting one together. The design his parents chose for him was sleek and nice and they even found him a crystal. 

“Thanks so much,” Ben said to his parents pulling himself away from the lightsaber.

“It wasn’t just us,” His father nodded over to Luke, “better thank your uncle for the suggestion.” Ben looked over at look with a smile on his face. Luke thought in this moment that nothing bad could happen to the child.

Ben spent a couple hours with his parents before they left. He stayed with them and his uncle even during topics he understood little of and listened until he fell asleep. Han was the one who took him to his room and even placed the lightsaber on his desk. Leia walked in as well to lay a kiss upon her son’s forehead. Ben slept with a big smile.

The next day Ben was sad to see that his parents had already left, but they do still have other duties. When he found Luke he was already helping other students practice. Since he needn’t continue practice with them he started meditating with his crystal. He had to focus all his strength with the forced into making the lightsaber. 

It only took Ben a few hours to finish with the lightsaber. He found the process of building the saber to be entertaining. It had to be put together using the force and he knew he was strong with it. He released the power of the crystal and a vibrant blue humming beam was released. This was the best present he had ever received.

With a few modifications to his belt he had a loop to place his lightsaber securely in. He walked out of his room and headed to the courtyard looking for his uncle. His meditation blocked out all occurrences in the force and he missed a large commotion. Everyone was gathered in the courtyard except for his uncle and a student named Cepheus. 

“Where is Luke?” He asked the crowd.  
“He went to find Cepheus in the swamp,” One of the older ones replied, “We were told not to leave.” There was no way Ben was staying there to wait for his uncle to return. He would get back much faster if he assisted. 

Ben started with a quick run and got past the crowd and broke from the hands trying to keep him back. He had never ventured into a swamp on Dagobah and he knew that danger lurked under the surface. He was tracking Luke through the pull of the force, but he could faintly sense another. If the force was a pulse then Cepheus wasn’t going to last long.

Ben picked up pace and strained his legs. The thick swamp made it much harder to run than normal. At some point he ended up closer to Cepheus than Luke was. When Cepheus’ force was stronger Ben found a large cave in the swamp. The force was leading Ben and he followed. 

Ben used the light of his lightsaber to guide his way. The cave was empty so far, but something must inhabit it to leave behind bones. A trail of blood let Ben know that Cepheus was injured and not to waste time. Ben rushed through the cave into a large open area to find Cepheus clutching his side on the ground.

“Cepheus!” Ben cried out in shock. He dropped quickly over to him and assessed his wound. “I have to get you back quickly.”  
“That would be great,” Cepheus said in a strained voice. Whatever he ran from left him exhausted.  
“Brace yourself,” Ben warned Cepheus before he lifted him up and wrapped his arm around his shoulders. Ben slowly guided them out of the cave with his lightsaber out.  
“So, when did you get one?” Cepheus asked about the lightsaber. Ben forgot that he hadn’t told anyone.  
“Birthday present,” the answer sufficed. They made it outside safely and Ben headed for Luke’s possible location. Ben used up most of his energy running to the cave and supporting Cepheus made them much more vulnerable. He doesn’t want to encounter whatever attacked Cepheus.

Ben’s hairs stood up when he felt the presence of something following them. He tried to set Cepheus down gently, but a serpent rose above the swamp quacking the ground near them. Ben almost lost balance and ended up losing his lightsaber. Panic flooded his thoughts and his heart beat painfully fast. He did the only thing he could think of.

The large creature was stuck. Unlike the lizard it was most definitely alive. Ben took this time to grab his lightsaber from the bog. He ignited his saber and went to strike the serpent, but his grip on it was lost. The serpent didn’t have Ben in sights and headed around him causing his swing to miss.

Horror spreaded throughout Ben when he realized what was happening. He was fatigued and wasn’t at his top speed. He turned around as fast as he could, his eyes met the demise of Cepheus and his ears heard his cries. Ben could no longer control what was happening and blacked out.

Ben awoke to agonizing screams. No matter what he did the screams would not leave him alone and began to make him scream. He must have disturbed everyone because his uncle came in and approached him. Tears were marking Ben’s face and he tried to wipe them away quickly, but his limbs wouldn’t let him move fast. 

“Ben are you okay?” Luke’s voice was calming, it took Ben away from wherever he was. Ben shook his head in response. He finally noticed he was in the temple’s infirmary. His memory was clouded and his thoughts hard to produce. “Call for me again if you need anything.” Luke brushed hair out of Ben’s face and left without another word. It took what seemed like forever for Ben to sleep again.

Luke was doing the best he could to keep all of his apprentices calm. It was not easy with the loss of one and another in the infirmary. His older apprentices questioned him on why he allowed Ben to go so far ahead of him. It was all a mistake on Luke’s part. He wanted to let Ben bring Cepheus back while he followed behind, but the other dragonsnake was an awful surprise.

Unable to deal with his apprentices at the moment he gave them the day off and returned to his chambers. He would have to tell Han and Leia what happened eventually. He doesn’t want to send Ben back with them, but he doesn’t want anything to happen to him again.

Ben awoke again, but to something different. He was in the infirmary still and the screaming was low and muffled in his mind. Nagging at him was soft whispering he could barely make out. He carefully stood up and followed the source of the whispers. As he walked he had trouble staying balanced. He clung to the wall until he made it to his uncle’s room. The whispering was coming from within.

Luke sensed his nephews presence outside his door and opened it for him before he knocked. “Ben are you alright?” Luke asked. Ben looked dazed and unlike himself. Ben snapped out of his trance and looked up at Luke with glossy eyes. It was not long before Luke was embracing his sobbing nephew. Once again Luke could feel the pull of the dark side within his nephew.

Overcome with emotions Ben could only cry. Everything that happened rushed back. He saw Cepheus die and he was too late. Luke was too late. He remembered pouring all his power out killing the serpent. And he remembered no longer holding his lightsaber. It’s still out in the bog if Luke didn’t grab it. 

“Where is it?” Ben choked out.  
“I cleaned it and put it back in your room,” Luke replied. Ben hugged his uncle tighter. The lightsaber meant so much to him.  
“Thank you.” Ben whispered.

Five months passed since the incident and Ben has not forgotten at all. The screaming stopped, but the whispers continued with more clarity than before. He was not to tell his uncle what he was hearing, he knew that from deciphering the whispers. He had to really focus to get anything out of the whispers.

Today was a weak day for the whispers. Maybe everything was calmer because of his mother’s presence. He was to leave for a while by the request of Luke. It was for the better to get his mind of things that have happened. Staying on Dagobah for too long won’t help him.

Being with mom and dad meant that Ben was stuck on the Millennium Falcon for a while. His mother had his father take them to a heavily civilized planet to get Ben better clothes and a belt to better compliment his lightsaber. He forgot the freedom that came without wearing robes casually. 

His time away from Dagobah was not how he thought it would be. For some reason he felt out of place everywhere, even with his parents. Maybe it was because Chewie was elsewhere with other business. No, Ben would still feel disconnected. He would have to inform his mother that he wanted to return to Dagobah so soon.

Luke had certainly thought he wouldn’t see Ben again until he was thirteen. It was also a surprise to learn that Leia and Han were staying for a while. Ben’s mood approved on Dagobah with his parents there. But despite that there was still the darkness there. 

Han and Leia left a few months after Ben’s thirteenth birthday. They couldn’t leave the rest of the universe alone. And maybe that was when everything went downhill within two years. Ben would disappear at nights and could rarely be found during the day. Despite no training from Luke, Ben had learned how to properly hold his own with a lightsaber.

Luke did everything for Ben to keep the light in him. He doesn’t know what was happening. He was unable to keep up with the boy and by time he was fifteen Luke felt a disturbance in the force. He followed Ben at night to a cave tainted by the dark side, but he was unable to find Ben when he got there. He was late again.

Ben stormed into his uncle’s room following the orders of the whispers. It was his grandfather, a remnant of the man. Ben carved out the compartment in the floor to retrieve the helmet and lightsaber. This was his final mission before he joined something greater to continue his grandfather’s dying wishes. 

He slaughtered all of his peers, acquaintances and even few he called friends except for two. A girl and and his uncle remained elsewhere, but he was done here. They were already here and he knew the consequences of not pleasing them. He stepped onto the grey carrier and looked back at the destroyed jedi temple. He saw the girl, Rey was her name. He was glad he spared her for she was young.

At this point Ben knew his place finally. The dark side seethed into him, making him at ease ever since he first heard the whispers. With the First Order Ben would feel right. He will serve Snoke and train under him. They will fulfill his grandfather’s wishes together.


	2. Through the Ranks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hux never knew his parents and it didn't matter. His life was for The First Order.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope this chapter is enjoyable. I'm hoping to be able to post a new chapter everyday.

Hux had no warm memories of his parents. He was given to the First Order after he began to form complete sentences. His parents were devout to the order and so their son should be as well. Being part of the First Order meant familial interactions were restricted so despite knowing his parents could be on the same base as him Hux never asked about them. Bonds between people make you weaker and being weak is against the Supreme Leader’s wishes.

Basic training covered defense, close combat, and the basics of operating the entire arsenal of weapons. All of this Hux learned with others around his age. Many of them would go on to become stormtroopers, but not Hux. High expectations were placed on Hux. He surpassed most of the other students in his class moving him up to a higher position. All his studies would begin to focus on tactical planning.

When Hux turned fifteen he was learning (assisting) under a general. General Phest was a capable leader and silenced many resistance planets. Hux was only a lt. colonel, but his ideas mattered a great deal to Phest. Soon rumors left Phest’s ship about HUx and he was becoming a popular name among the First Order. Hux knew other generals would begin requesting him to join them on their ships, but Phest had an influence over the Order that kept him right there.

In Hux’s sixteenth year of life Phest had him promoted all the way to colonel. This time was very eventful. There was an increase of resistance early on and daring attempts against the First Order. It was also the time of the greatest news. All high ranking officials, and their favorite subordinates, had to gather in the ship’s meeting rooms. Hux was the youngest among everyone gathered. A feeling of exhilaration went through Hux, he felt important, better.

After all the projections were accounted for a hooded projection gathered their attention. Hux had never seen a hooded figure among the crews of the ships, but he knew they were the ones that relayed messages for the supreme leader. 

“Some of you may already know about the jedi order,” the jedi order, a myth to Hux’s time and also revived during it. They knew it existed and was led by Luke Skywalker. Any news about the jedi order was very big. “We have accomplished exterminating everyone except for the jedi master. All the honor of this accomplishment goes to supreme leader Snoke’s new apprentice, Kylo Ren.” The entire room was filled with whispers and Hux could only make out a few. No one expected the supreme leader to undertake an apprentice.

The meeting carried for a few more minutes. Everyone was informed that soon there would be more knights of Ren and that each will be assigned a star destroyer. From what Hux knew about training someone with the force was that it took years so there was no need to fret on the possibility. General Phest, however, did not enjoy the idea of having a force user on his ship. The rest of the day Hux listened to Phest express his emotions over the matter. At times it began to sound like treason.

Some days it was hard to imagine there was a resistance. At times everything was so quiet as though the Order was in total control. On these days Hux would himself to relax. Phest never needed him often anyways so he would not have to fear being reprimanded. At the moment he was working on long neglected designs.

The Death Star was always something Hux thought could be improved upon. There were so many fatale flaws in the original designs and had a high material cost. His current design didn’t lessen the cost, it increased because the size of the concept was much larger. This new one would need to be able to contain much more power than a death star. Hux wants to surpass anyone he can in the Order. The way to do that is to demonstrate how important a piece he can be to the supreme leader. 

Months after Hux became seventeen forces were being deployed to an alliance controlled planet. The goal was to retrieve a lightsaber hilt for the supreme leader. There was nothing too special about the hilt besides its two extra vents. It wasn’t something worth going through a lot of trouble for, but denying this mission was treason. Hux shouldn’t complain his only part in it is to put together a group of stormtroopers with a tactful plan. He had to make sure they did not fail.

The alliance controlled planet was mostly jungle, but the base was placed in a clearing. The alliance wasn’t about hiding their bases so much. The stormtrooper dropship landed close without being detected. This location was not that important to the alliance or they were low on troops. 

Hux had told his stormtroopers to move fast, but they ran into an inconvenience. The vaults containing the hilt were a labyrinth and there was no quick way to find it. As little as he liked the idea of the mission taking longer he told them to search everything. The time consumption would look bad on him, but at least he’d have it complete.

As it was Phest’s ship the hilt was given to Phest. The honor of taking it to the supreme leader would go to Phest. The mission report would contain Hux’s name. But that didn’t matter, he was lower than the general. Others would read the report though and know. 

In five years nothing was heard about Kylo Ren or any of the other possible knights. Hux wondered if they ended as failures. It didn’t bother him so much, he had other matters to worry with. He was being promoted to general finally and receiving a star destroyer of his own, the Finalizer. Hux spent his entire life devoted to the order and commanding his very own star destroyer. 

Twenty-two was considered young among the Order to be in charge of an entire army. Hux was a prodigy and he knew it. He was already coming up with perfect strategies at age fourteen. All of his former peers had fallen short of him long ago. 

Hux had nothing to fear about his position. He would never be demoted because he has become the First Order’s greatest asset. His troops were the top ones, with help from Captain Phasma, and they never failed a mission given to them. Hux had even been relayed messages from Snoke himself. He was getting the recognition he deserved. 

Hux was twenty-six when he heard something about a Knight of Ren again. They were apparently looking for something in secret. Now that they were no longer doing so the chance of a knight appearing in front of Hux increased. Hux had control of his own vessel for four years and that could be split so soon.

Soon Hux received summons to greet a new arrival in the hanger. He was never formally informed beforehand so he did not have time to prepare a greeting party. Hux sighed as looked at the hanger through the overhead windows. A figure in a black cloak with a mask on stood in the middle of the hanger looking around. Not a single trooper tried to confront the figure. He wasn’t quite sure if that was good or not. 

Hux made sure his stride was perfect and showed his superiority. It didn’t seem to matter since the figure had their back turned to him now. Only a few feet away he was abruptly stopped. Hux could no longer move a muscle in his body. Panic washed over him, but he couldn’t let it show on his face. 

“Are you General Hux?” asked the figure in an altered voice. They turned to face him. This person was one of the knights.

“Yes,” Hux replied. He dared not provoke the knight. He had no idea about their personality and taking a chance could get him killed. The hold that was placed upon him released and he felt relieved.

“I am Kylo Ren,” it was Snoke’s star apprentice. He was the one who gave the Order a great advantage. “I will be aboard your ship for some time. I hope for us to be able to work together.” Something with the way Kylo said that did not entirely assure him that the knight worked well with others. In fact his greeting wasn’t the best either. “I would like to be given a private room and a copy of your projects.”

“Of course,” Hux said, ”Follow me closely.” He doesn’t know if this was the first time the knight had been on a star destroyer and he didn’t want him wandering off. The man already wanted to see private projects he’d been working on, who knows what all he’d do on the ship unsupervised. 

Hux brought Kylo to an empty room that was close to his own. It was one of the few rooms that had never been used, especially since stormtroopers bunked together. Kylo walked in and placed something he had been carrying on a shelf. Hux wasn’t sure what to make of it, but it looked almost like a helmet except it was heavily damaged. The knight stood and stared at it for a while with his hand intently placed on it. Hux figured it meant great importance.

“May I see what you’ve been planning now?” Kylo unexpectedly asked. Hux was snapped back to reality, he had been busy studying the knight.

“Of course. I keep all of them on my terminal,” Hux turned out of Kylo’s room and headed down to his. Kylo walked so close he was almost stepping on Hux’s heels. He began to wonder if the knight knew much about personal space.

The first thing Hux showed Kylo was his design for a better Death Star. He couldn’t tell Kylo’s opinion on it with the mask hiding his face. He was sure the knight was absorbing everything in. “Why not use a planet?” Kylo asked after a while. That was something Hux hadn’t thought about and it was a very plausible idea. The only issue is what planet?

What planet would you suggest?” Hux asked the man. He came up with the idea so maybe he had a planet in mind too.

“A frozen one that wouldn’t be missed,” Hux was a genius and it was hard to find someone on par with him. It had been so long since he took suggestions of others seriously. With this knight he might even be able to make his concept real. “I have the power to make this a reality for you.” Hux wasn’t sure if he was dreaming, Kylo Ren shows up and improves his Starkiller concept and then tells him it can become a reality. “Give me your approval anytime.”

Of course Hux wanted his dream to become a reality, he gave Kylo permission to bring it up with the supreme leader. What he never expected was meeting with Snoke. The supreme leader was not what he expected, but lately nothing was as he expected. 

During the meeting Kylo had his mask removed. He looked about the same age as Hux and had a few moles dotting his face. Hux really tried not to stare, but he didn’t know how many opportunities he’d get to see Kylo’s face. His voice was also something to indulge in as well. After this it would go back to the manipulated voice soon.

Kylo did most of the talking with Snoke as he was used to speaking with him. Hux only added input when the conversation shifted over to him. Kylo described Starkiller a weapon all would fear and the key to the Order’s victory. It was in Snoke’s best intentions to improve the strength of the Order. A weapon of mass destruction was what he needed. That weapon was Hux’s with the help of Kylo Ren.

Thanks to Kylo squadrons were sent out to search for a suitable planet to be converted into Starkiller. The Finalizer crew was also in search of a planet. Kylo wanted some say on the planet as well, most were nos. 

The first time Hux thought Kylo was unstable was after he read something given to him directly from Snoke. He wasn’t sure what it was about, but it had to be important because it set something off within Kylo. They were in the central command bridge and Kylo threw a fit of rage and took it out on one stormtrooper and the terminals. Hux wasn’t sure what to make of it, but he didn’t want it to happen again. It was hard to think Kylo Ren could lose his composure like that. 

Hux took it up with Kylo in privacy. It was not such a nice task, however. Kylo pinned Hux against the wall using the force, presumably. It also felt like force was being applied to hurt him. “You have no power against me.” Kylo seethed. Hux wasn’t necessarily afraid of this situation, in fact he was feeling something unexpected. His lips cracked into a smirk and Kylo released his hold upon him. 

Hux wasn’t sure why he was released so easily. Kylo was full of rage and it all drained after he told Hux to leave his quarters. Maybe Hux did have an upperhand against the knight. 

As Hux laid in bed he thought over reasons he walked away easily. He should have spent more time studying different emotions. It would even help him if he knew what that feeling was back there. It was like exhilaration from being hurt. He knew some people experienced sexual pleasure from pain, but this was different. It was simply only on an emotional scale. Kylo Ren had turned his own emotions into an enigma.


	3. Intrusive Thoughts

The next day Kylo was training vigorously and not in a way Hux approved. Training equipment was destroyed instead of just damaged. At this rate Hux would have to make the entire Finalizer into a training room for Kylo. Hux noted that he would have to find a cruel world to put Kylo on whenever he wants to train. 

Kylo knew he was powerful, not because of his acts with the force, but because Snoke had told him so. Despite the securing fact he had to make sure he was always strong. He was always testing his strength with the force to see how much he could manipulate. Stopping organisms was easy for him now and so was controlling their movements. The next test for him was to successfully stop a beam from a blaster. Complete control in a battle would be his if he didn’t even need a lightsaber to defeat his enemies. 

Every time Kylo failed to stop a beam he broke out in fury. He tried to control his raging anger, but emotions were hard to control. Kylo hated his emotions. He wore a mask as a way to hide his thoughts. Without the comfort of his mask he thought he was an open book. 

In the command bridge Hux was reading over reports. Most were planet analyses giving statistics on resources. It was Hux’s duty to decide which ones were valuable to the Order. One of the listed planets stuck out to him. It was the perfect Starkiller candidate, not so frozen it was uninhabitable and there were even trees. The days even passed close to 24 hours. 

Hux walked into the training room to give Kylo a report of the planet only to be stopped. “I would appreciate not being stopped every time I approach you,” Hux hated it when Kylo froze him in place. He hated that the other man was so much stronger than him, but part of him found that thrilling.

“My apologies, but it’s in my best interest that you don’t get killed so easily by a rifle beam,” Hux wasn’t sure how Kylo was training or what he was training on. He took a look around the room and the walls were marred with black blasts. The walls would have to be replaced as well.

“You’ve ruined this room,” Hux sighed. Just looking at the room threatened to give him a headache. A relief was given to him and he could move every limb again. Not what he expected from Kylo. Kylo approached him to an uncomfortable distance. Hux really had to remember to tell Kylo about personal space.

“What is it you’re bothering me for?” The mask made conversations uncomfortable. You couldn’t see or hear any emotion. Hux moved back to present Kylo the planet on his datapad. Kylo removed the datapad from his hands. With the mask on it looked like he was just simply staring. “If it’s suitable for Starkiller we use it.”

“Of course,” Hux replied and turned to leave. Just as the door opened he was stopped again. “What is it you want?” He couldn’t turn and face Kylo and it made the situation worse. Luckily if Kylo was telling the truth Hux was needed by him still.

Kylo’s presence was behind Hux. Every muscle in Hux sprained more, he couldn’t tell if it was because of the force or the knight so close behind him. “I wish to try something,” Kylo’s voice came out light from the helmet. Fingers touched the back of Hux’s skull. It began to feel like spikes were entering his mind. Hux gasped and staggered forward. “Seems it didn’t work.”

“What the hell was that?” Hux demanded. Every moment he spent being in the same room with Kylo the chances of becoming a force puppet increased. Knowing that Kylo used him to play with the force was sickening. 

“I apologize for any pain I may have given you,” Hux didn’t know if Kylo was being sincere behind that mask, he was probably amused by bringing pain to Hux. “Some force users are able to see into the minds of others. I thought you would be a perfect subject to try, but it seems I should try on someone more expendable.”

“Like hell,” Hux hissed. He doesn’t want anyone in his head and certainly not Kylo. The man already has full use to his ship, he doesn’t need access to Hux’s thoughts. “Never do that again,” Hux stormed down the halls to the command bridge. The further from Kylo the better.

Kylo respected Hux and saw him as something of value to the Order. If Hux got angry at him he would let him go because his reasons were credible. Pressing into someone’s mind was infringing upon their privacy, Kylo wanted to know what others thought. He could only pull out a feeling of uneasiness directed to himself from Hux. Now that he knew this he’d have to spend more time with the general.

Hux sent in the request to begin working on building Starkiller and expected the reply in a day or so. He also had to file a report that the Finalizer once again needed repairs. Before Kylo arrived repairs were rarely needed. The entire thing with Kylo kept giving him unneeded headaches. 

Someone requested permission into his room. It was either Kylo or another damage report. He allowed them in and was mildly phased to see Captain Phasma. Rarely would she ever have anything to bring up with Hux.

“You need to control that knight,” anger was clear in her voice. Whatever Kylo has done certainly got to Phasma. It was hard to anger her, she is the most composed person on the entire ship. “He has sent three of my men to the infirmary.” Hux was confused to hear this. Rarely did Kylo take anything out on something that wasn’t inanimate. 

“What has he done?” Hux asked. He didn’t want to deal with Kylo again this day, but he seemed to be the only one with at least some influence over him. 

“I’m not quite sure, but whatever it is I need him to stop. We aren’t supplied with clones,” they did have thousands of stormtroopers, all diverse in strength. Out of the three injured or whatever one could be the shot in the entire Order. 

“I’ll go talk to him now,” Hux headed for Kylo’s chosen training room for the second time this day. He hated to go back and look at the tarnished room, but there was no helping it.

Kylo found it strange how weak the mind was to the force. He was learning to hold back and stopped whenever it began to appear fatale to his subject. There may be mental issues in the trooper later on, but that didn’t matter. This was about his improvement and he was going to do whatever to master it. Earlier Captain Phasma entered and berated him for using her soldiers, but she doesn’t understand the purpose.

Another trooper fell unconscious making them the fourth one. This time he got more from his mind than any of the others. Two others picked up the body and took them out of the room. Hux walked in and gave a passing glance to the departing troopers. There were no visible wounds to be seen. Hux knew what was happening.

“Stop putting the stormtroopers out of commission,” Hux demanded of Kylo. It was better them than Hux, but the difference in ready for battle soldiers meant a lot. And the fact Kylo thought he could use the stormtroopers as he pleased also angered Hux.

“Would you rather I practice on you again?” No, Hux would rather have him stop. He’d also really like it if Kylo stopped fixating him to one spot.

“Just stop with this foolishness,” Every time they were in the same room Kylo managed to become more irritating. He moved closer to Hux as usual.

“Leave us,” Kylo relayed to the remaining stormtroopers in the room. Some as they left gave looks to Hux. If they felt bad for him he didn’t need that. His life was more secure than theirs. 

When every stormtrooper fully departed the room Kylo removed his mask. This was the second time Hux had seen his face. Kylo’s face was still unbelievable. It was easy to forget that someone handsome was behind that mask. He let his mind wander onto thoughts he shouldn’t be having. He directed his eyes to anywhere in the room that wasn’t Kylo’s face. 

Gloved fingers rested on the back of his head. He tried to clear his thoughts by going over names of the stormtroopers. It began to feel like needles pierced through his skull and he found it much harder to recite the names. He wasn’t dead or unconscious so that was fine, but he was uncomfortable. It was awful to have your mind violated. 

Suddenly the needles stopped. Hux recollected himself and looked back to where Kylo stood. Red tinged across Kylo’s face. Hux would admit that it was cute on the man, but another pressing issue was on his mind. Kylo had reached Hux’s betraying thoughts. Without a word to him Kylo put his mask back on and quickly made his way down the corridor. Hux was standing alone ashamed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for it being a little short, but I was constantly being interrupted all day and began suffering video game withdrawal.


	4. Act On It

Hux was sure Kylo had been avoiding him. The entire week he went without seeing the knight. He’d received reports of Kylo training, but every time Hux went to check the knight would not be there. It was becoming a problem because Hux needed to let the knight know that almost destroying life support is not a good way to release anger.

Hux was almost tempted to check Kylo’s room, but he doesn’t want the knight knowing that he was actively looking for him. He shouldn’t complain really. A week without a run-in with Kylo meant that Hux was not victim to any more force related tests. Something in Hux found it almost uncomforting without the presence of Kylo near him. No, he mustn’t think such things.

Hux’s own betraying thoughts are what drove the knight into avoiding him. If he had been more competent with hiding his own emotions Kylo would not despise him or whatever it is the knight now feels towards him. It was awful for Hux who just wanted another look at the man’s face.

Kylo knows that he’s probably overreacting compared to anyone else in a position like his. He had never thought of himself as a person someone could look at and admire. Attraction was originally just a trivial thing to him. Snoke told him being attracted to someone was pointless and a waste and his time on Dagobah never let him experience such emotions. 

He understood that when both parties shared equal attraction they move on it, but this was not the case, really. The general has been thinking about him, in ways that made Kylo flood with unease. He was afraid to confront Hux, afraid to start feeling the same way. His alignment with the dark side is already unbalanced by the light in him. Kylo really had to take his feelings out on something.

It seemed like Kylo purposely found the most vital parts of the ship to destroy. He had a perfectly good room to ruin instead of the ship’s heating system. Without heat on the ship it would quickly fall to freezing temperatures. Hux didn’t want to die because of one of Kylo’s tantrums, he still hasn’t seen Starkiller to it’s completion. 

Some of the best mechanics on the ship were doing their best return the central heating. Hux had began to feel the freezing temperature through his clothes and it sent chills up his spine. No matter how he thought of Kylo he hated him for this. Living in the luxury of the First Order meant he rarely had to suffer. With Kylo Ren it seemed he had to start getting used to most uncomfortable situations. 

Hux headed back to his room so that he could avoid shivering in front of his subordinates. At least in his own room he might be able to retain at least some body heat. Well, that is if Hux makes it to his room. Kylo had the opposite idea as his and was walking his direction. 

Kylo had to resist the urge to turn around and head back like a childish fool. If Hux wanted to speak with him he will allow it, after all he does owe him that since he was probably the one that ruined the ship’s heating. Kylo hated that he couldn’t control himself, he felt weak every time he had to bring out his anger.

Kylo was about to walk past Hux without any complaint until a hand grabbed his arm. “Why must you destroy my ship?” Hux asked looking at Kylo with anger in his eyes. Kylo decided he liked those eyes. Not calm or neutral, an emotion easy to see. He quickly snapped away from that, there was no time for such pathetic thoughts. 

“I try not to destroy anything that’s vital for our survival,” he did try, but the climate control room was close by and empty. He also still didn’t know all of the rooms on the ship. He had recently discovered that there is in fact a cafeteria on the ship, not that he would ever think of eating in there, he was fine with the privacy of his room.

“You obviously didn’t try this time,” Hux removed his hand began massaging the tip of his nose bridge. The entire thing obviously stressed him out more than he wished to admit. Unlike Kylo he doesn’t freely take out built up stress on technology, he has more sense than that. Kylo was a raging storm disrupting Hux’s calm sea.

All Hux got out of Kylo was a mechanical “hmph”. Honestly Hux was concerned why he found the man attractive, his personality was infuriating at times. “Maybe this will allow you to stifle your feelings better,” Kylo eventually said in the long silence. Hux tensed a little, hopefully not so much that Kylo noticed. Of course the knight did notice and he liked the effect he had on the general. When he first arrived on the Finalizer Hux presented himself as someone above even Kylo.

Hux at this point was at mercy to Kylo Ren. He was weak and pathetic. The knight had every right to end him right there for being an embarrassment to the Order, but he didn’t. Maybe he was still somehow useful to Kylo even after all his thoughts were revealed. Or maybe he was going to end up like a cat toy that Kylo could mess with, torture him with his own feelings. If only Kylo wasn’t such a remarkable specimen, none of this would be happening. 

“Of course, if you’d rather you can spill everything to me,” Kylo was being serious, knowing things about Hux gave him entertainment, “I don’t mind.” Underneath his mask Kylo was smirking, he was finally getting under Hux’s skin. Red spreaded on Hux’s face, from his cheeks to his ears. Kylo was much better at not paying mind to the appearance of others. The mask altered his view a little so maybe that’s why he was unaffected unlike Hux. 

Hux considered letting Kylo know how the man made him feel, but that’s exactly what he wants. He wasn’t about to please Kylo at this game, he needed to be in control. Control was something Hux had began to lose since meeting Kylo. He no longer commanded his own ship and was losing his grip on his own feelings. It was building up to a point that soon Hux might have to submit to Kylo. “If you’ll excuse me I’ll be returning to my room,” all the time spent in the corridor had distracted Hux from being cold, but it’s toll was being taken out on his numb fingers. 

He should have seen it coming, it happens every time. Hux’s muscles tensed and he pushed a wall. Kylo was obsessed with using the force against him. Hux didn’t mind when the force was used against him this way. He was slightly ashamed that he enjoyed it, but Kylo had no power over him since he liked it. Kylo must have decided that the empty corridor had become a private place because he removed his helmet. Hux really wanted to stick his hands through Kylo’s hair. 

Kylo’s personal space problem was becoming uncomfortable for Hux. The closer Kylo was the easier it was for Hux to admire his face and go over every handsome detail. It was sickening how far Hux had fallen for this man. He had been in relationships times before, but none were truly serious, in the First Order it wasn’t usual for people to become attached to each other. If Hux’s parents could see him they would be disappointed. 

Hux had nice hair, not a single piece was out of place. His face was also very handsome and he never looked tired. Kylo didn’t let himself wander though, he just saw what was immediately obvious. If he started developing feelings for Hux, besides the ones he already had from Hux’s amazing genius with Starkiller, he wouldn’t know what to do. Hux is probably more capable with handling whatever these feelings are (Kylo never learned the proper word for love or crushes).

The ship was probably finally repaired because the temperature was beginning to rise. Hux was relieved that he wouldn’t freeze because Kylo wouldn’t let him retreat to his room. “What is it you like about me?” Kylo asked Hux after minutes of having him against the wall. They were face to face and very close. 

“I thought you already knew,” Kylo had already dug up his mind, what more did he need? An entire report?

“Not like that. You must see me more than just physically appealing?” He wasn’t wrong. There was much more to it than just the way Kylo looked. If it was simply his appearance this wouldn’t be the mess it currently is.

“I suppose I enjoy the fact that you can keep up with my ideas,” Nobody else in the First Order could help him improve Starkiller and Kylo was also the one that made his dream actually happen, “And you made Starkiller possible.” Kylo gave away to a smile on his lips. Without his dumb mask he was really easy to read. 

“Those are good enough reasons, I think,” Kylo said, although they could be the worst, but he doesn’t know enough about attraction to distinguish the levels of reasons. He did know one thing about mutual love though from studying his parents. He moved much closer to Hux trying to eliminate the distance. Despite Hux’s wants he tensed even more. Kylo closed his eyes and sucked in a small breath. He had never done anything like this before. He quickly pecked Hux’s lips with his and afterwards he quickly walked with his heart beating fast.

Hux was confused and honestly didn’t know what to think. He was free from the grip of the force, but remained against the wall. The ever so confident knight had given him a pathetic kiss and ran off. Hux didn’t want to admit it, but he was disappointed. The knight was untrained.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ayy lmao


	5. That Comforting Feeling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I had to change this to mature because it does get a little borderline, but there isn't any real porn in it still.

Hux had realized two things about Kylo Ren since their meeting in the corridor. One: Kylo was probably innocent in all ways besides killing people. Originally he imagined that Kylo would be rough, but that was obviously not going to be the case anytime soon. Second: There seemed to be more than one personality of Kylo Ren. The man quickly changed from angry to calm and then the times he was near Hux he seemed to switch between two archetypes. There was probably something from Kylo’s past which brought on his dynamic emotional swings.

Sometimes Hux wished he’d never met Kylo, otherwise he wouldn’t be thinking about the knight almost constantly. He could still work as usual, but some small things made him wonder about Kylo. Reviewing valuable planets made him think about which type would compliment Kylo. It was strange because not once with anyone had he experienced thoughts like this. He rested his head down on his desk. Was he becoming pathetic? There was nothing in the Order going against personal relationships, but he didn’t think that applied to Kylo.The Knights of Ren worked with the First Order and had their own set of guidelines. 

The first time Hux saw Kylo that day was when he was requesting the current progress on Starkiller. For whatever reason the knight was in the command bridge. While speaking with the surveyor Hux occasionally passed glances over to Kylo. He was strangely calmer than usual today, but Hux wished he was one that could hold his tongue. In a literal instant Kylo rushed out of the room in a rampage. Hux hoped he wasn’t going to destroy something again.

Kylo hated that he was still connected with his mother and uncle by the force. He always knew where his mother was, but he’d never tell. His uncle, however, was hiding his presence and every so often Kylo would pick it up. He just had it for the longest time ever and was so close to finally finding the man. Anger was beginning to build in him and he didn’t need it now. He had to stop destroying things on the ship. Instead for once he locked himself within his room and screamed. 

Kylo had begun taking steps to please Hux. It was excruciating to change how he used to deal with things. Nothing could match releasing all control to destroy something, he couldn’t really explain why it worked so well. Surely by now Hux would come looking for him to see if he’d damaged anything. He knew Hux saw him charge out of the command deck. He couldn’t help some of his fury. It would always be there because that’s who he is. 

Hux really needed to stop. It was unhealthy imagining himself with Kylo. Everytime he saw Kylo furious impure thoughts flooded his mind and he really didn’t need that. No matter how much he tried to avert his thoughts they always landed back onto Kylo. Something had to be done about this entire predicament. He knew that maybe Kylo felt the same, but maybe not as strongly since he doesn’t know as much as Hux. Maybe he’d finally do something tonight, he sure as hell knows Kylo won’t. 

He was outside the door, waiting to be let in. Kylo could feel his presence there and faintly pick up the feelings coming from Hux. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to let Hux in. What would Hux do with him? Kylo knew nothing of intimacy, he was too young traveling with his parents and the new jedi order wasn’t even a place for that (Literally Luke didn’t tolerate any gross stuff going down in his temple). Snoke never gave Kylo the enjoyment of other humanly interactions, it was part of the training. Kylo was just going to disappoint Hux. 

“Ugh, I know you’re in there, Ren,” Hux just wanted in, even if it was only to sit next to Kylo in silence. He had finally convinced himself that just seeing Kylo’s face would be fine. 

Kylo opened the door for Hux and let him in. It was the first time Hux had seen Kylo’s room since he’d arrived on Starkiller. It had personal effects neatly set up, but not many. The knight didn’t seem to be attached to much. Hux really wanted to know more about Kylo on a more personal level. Everything about him interested Hux.

“Hux, are you just going to stare?” Hux snapped back into reality. He shook his head as an answer. He did want to stare though. Kylo had his mask off, wearing actual casual clothes, and a blush was spreading across his face. Hux really wanted to kiss him. He raised his hand to the back of Kylo’s head. The slightly taller man flinched, Hux took note of that. Kylo’s hair was so much softer than Hux had expected. Since Kylo seemed uneasy Hux slowly touched their lips together.

He was never this slow with his lovers. Kylo was most definitely different, Hux was in control here and it pleased him to know that. Kylo had begun to understand kissing and began moving against Hux as well. It was really going to disappoint Hux if this is all they can make it to, but he wouldn’t be angry. He was evil sure, but that didn’t mean he would disrespect Kylo’s wishes. 

Chances were meant to be taken Hux knew that. Kylo knew that as well, which is why he let Hux in. He was just going with the flow until Hux stopped. “Was that normal?” Kylo asked himself. Emotions were freely giving themselves to Kylo, he didn’t even have to try. He had an effect on Hux and he loved it. Hux had brought his face to his left ear and whispered, “Tell me when to stop.”

It was unexpected, Kylo didn’t know it was something people did to each other. Hux lightly bit the tip of Kylo’s ear and he couldn’t help the sound that left his lips. The feeling was exhilarating. Kylo buried his head into Hux’s body and just let Hux continue. 

Hux was surprised to find that Kylo actually enjoyed his ears being bit. It wasn’t unusual, but he never expected Kylo as the type. After a while of that Hux noticed Kylo’s arousal. He decided he would make this about Kylo. He removed their tops as fast as he could and began marking Kylo from the neck.

He had nothing to worry about, his normal robes hid most of his body. Whatever Hux was doing certainly had an effect on him. The redhead kept kissing him, or at least Kylo thought that's what it is, all the way down to his lower torso. That was the point in which Kylo’s night really escalated. 

They were both laying in Kylo’s bed together. Kylo didn’t want to say he loved Hux because it seemed too soon, and the man had left many marks on his body. Kylo turned over to face Hux and finally said, “I appreciate you.”

Hux was flustered. Was this Kylo’s way of saying he loved Hux or was it close second? Either way that was the sweetest thing anyone had ever said to him. It was strange honestly, how this worked. “I appreciate you as well.” Hux still really wanted to know about Kylo’s past. “Kylo? May I ask a question?”

“Of course,” Kylo replied.

“What was your childhood like?” Hux asked. He saw remorse in Kylo’s eyes.

“It is for my own well being that I do not discuss such things,” Kylo had flicked back into his brainwashed Knight of Ren like state. It must be part of his conduct to leave behind his past. If that was the case then Hux knew not to ask again. 

Hux turned onto his side to go to sleep, only a specific position would give him enough comfort to sleep peacefully. When he did so Kylo pressed into him and wrapped an arm around him. It honestly comforted Hux. It made him wonder if it gave Kylo comfort.

It didn’t matter if Kylo was with Hux or not. He found no comfort in sleeping. He awoke in under ten minutes after he closed his eyes. If nothing worked before then this wasn’t going to either. He enjoyed his time with Hux though and it was fine to just watch the redhead sleep. 

It gave him peace to be able to comfort someone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kylo can't sleep because he remembers too much.


	6. A Little Of The Past

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a warning this begins with kind of a flashback to explain a little more why Kylo turned to the dark side using a mostly canon fact.

\--

When Ben was thirteen everything was clearer. His parents sent him to train with his uncle because they could not provide for him the same way. Luke could make sure Ben knew how to use his powers and not accidentally destroy something. At first Ben really liked the idea, becoming a jedi like his uncle was his dream, but he hated being away from his parents so long. 

 

He never told Luke about the visions he saw or the whispers he heard. They were always there and the visions were the most comforting. It was always dark, but there was someone behind the visions that cared about him. He was guided by the visions. The stories he learned about his grandfather were a combination of the vision voice and what Luke would tell him. Soon he realized he wanted to become like his grandfather instead. 

 

When Ben was thirteen he began skipping training with Luke. He no longer needed that training. He was strong in the force and already understood how to use it, that’s what the voice told him. The voice knew what Ben needed and he listened to it’s guidance. That’s how he was led to a cave when he could slip away.

 

The cave felt different from anything else, the energy within was foreign compared to the temple. It wasn’t so different from Ben though. There he could even feel the presence of the voice despite it’s lack of a body. Out of all his time spent on the planet with Luke he finally found the most comforting location. He never wanted to leave, but the voice told him it wasn’t time.  _ Time for what?  _ Ben wondered. The voice would not answer. 

 

It was easy to forget the existence of everyone else. Ben paid no mind to the others in the courtyard. He only took notice that Luke wasn’t out with them. Every so often a ball would roll over to him and he’d send it flying back hard. He was trying to focus on the cold part of his being like the voice told him, that is what he needs to strengthen.

 

When Ben was fifteen he was told it was nearing time. He had grown close to the voice, it had become almost like a parent, maybe better since it never left him alone. At this point he would do anything the voice told him, it was the only thing he knew. That is why Ben did not hesitate.

* * *

 

Kylo had fallen asleep for a short moment. He hated his dreams, they provided no comfort and were there to make him feel guilt. He didn’t regret the decisions of his past, they were all the right ones. Everything he did took him to the right place, brought him to Snoke and let him meet Hux.

 

Speaking of the general, he was still asleep. Kylo felt a weird sensation in his stomach at the sight of the redhead. It bothered him and made him feel weak. He got up and took a quick shower and when he returned Hux managed to still be asleep. Kylo knew nothing about normal sleeping times, it had been years since he slept more than a few minutes. Hux would know what to do when he awoke.

 

Kylo decided to pay a visit Snoke, although he only appeared as a hologram. What Kylo had for Hux went against the jedi code, but Snoke had never told him what weakened his bonds to the dark side besides the love he still holds for his parents. If Hux was going to become a problem for Kylo he needed to know so he can fix it before it went any further. 

 

When Hux awoke Kylo was not there. He didn’t expect the knight to stick around waiting for him to awake. Part of him still hoped he would have waited though. He hated the effect the knight gave him. A year ago Hux’s attention was fully directed to galactic conquest for the First Order. Now he had many things on his mind and most had something to do with Kylo.

 

Hux could easily continue his day as usual with a few stray thoughts lingering and then leaving. The development of Starkiller was still steady, but it needed much more time. Shore leave was also approaching. It made Hux wonder if Kylo also received shore leave. If he did they could spend it together, but he doubted Kylo would let himself actually relax. 

 

With all the that needed to be done Hux almost didn’t notice he hadn’t seen Kylo or heard a complaint about him all day. It made him feel unsettled. Hux dreaded that last night could have been a one time only thing. Love wasn’t an easy thing, especially being in the first order, it was dumb. Hux was dumb, he labelled his feelings as love when he doesn’t even know what Kylo actually feels about the whole thing. Hux was dumb and in a hell.

 

Snoke only informed Kylo that strong bonds with another person strengthened their hold with their alignment. It appeared there was no problem with Kylo pursuing Hux as long as it didn’t get in the way of his purpose. He didn’t have to fear the light returning to him if he was with Hux. Or at least that was what Snoke told him, some of the things he was told weren’t all truths.

 

Kylo returned to his daily wandering of the Finalizer after his talk with Snoke. Many of the stormtroopers were preparing for shore leave and Captain Phasma as well. Shore leave was something Kylo rarely used for relaxation, it was his bonus time to search for Luke Skywalker. This time instead he wondered if Hux was also given permission for shore leave. He was the busiest on the ship so it was probably something he well deserved. 

 

Usually Kylo would stop and watch some stormtroopers train with batons (and if they looked like they needed better training he would assist), but today was very slow and the training rooms were deserted. Kylo decided that today he would use his datapad for entertainment for once. 

 

Hux didn’t know why, but he lead himself to Kylo’s room. Only part of him wanted ask the knight to accompany him on shore leave. Hux requested access into Kylo’s room and was allowed in within two minutes, yes he counted the seconds.

 

Before Kylo let Hux in he had to put his datapad up. It was the only remnant from Kylo’s past and he certainly didn’t want anyone that’s not him seeing it. It’s not that he doesn’t trust Hux, but some parts of Kylo needed to remain personal. 

 

When Hux walked in Kylo was sitting cross legged on his bed. It seemed like he was doing nothing before Hux arrived. “Would you like to come with me on my shore leave?” Hux asked. He was already prepared for Kylo to say no and give him reasons he can’t.

  
“Of course I’ll go with you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm planning on making shore leave a stand alone fic as not to disrupt the current order in this fic. Also it would be pretty cool if you guys can figure out what's on Kylo's datapad.


	7. And Then The Clutches Began To Weaken

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little time skip since the last chapter here, that will be filled in by a stand-alone fic.

Kylo thought himself as an excellent pilot. His methods, however, were impractical compared to normal flying protocols. His personal ship was designed after his grandfather’s and was made for maneuverability. It could also be assumed that Kylo was a natural pilot thanks to his genes. 

As Kylo was technically an acting force outside of the First Order he had free range to pretty much everything without punishment. He was currently angering Hux by freely flying just right outside of the Finalizer’s radar. It was for his entertainment and to trace his uncle’s force. He had never originally thought of scouting alone, or actually leaving the Finalizer. Outside of the star destroyer he could feel the force of plenty of things. 

With his hands on the controls of his own ship everything felt right. Of course when he gets back he’s probably going to have to endure Hux. His leave went without warning and probably destroyed part of the hanger, but it was worth it. It was in his blood descended from the best pilots. Maybe he would take Hux for a ride one day. Kylo pondered that, Hux didn’t actually seem like the type to enjoy a joy ride in space, it was all work with him. 

Landing was an issue for Kylo, it was never smooth. That had to be something for him to improve gradually later on. Right now he had to avoid Hux who was striding over to his docked ship. The man certainly had something of a complaint for him.

Underneath the ship was an escape hatch he could easily get out, if Hux goes around to the back for him he would slip away unnoticed. Of course it wasn’t that easy. Hux knew every detail of Kylo’s ship including the secret hatch. 

“Ren, please next time you go on a joy flight alert someone,” Hux was angry with him. Of course he was, Kylo had that air about him. “Your sudden leave disrupted many stormtroopers at work in the hanger.” When he left Kylo did notice that some things were knocked over and maybe thrown out of place. 

“I love it when you’re angry,” that was all Kylo could say and wanted to say. He wasn’t sorry for leaving without informing the redhead. All freedom was given to him to do as he pleased he was not tied to rules given to those below Hux’s power.

“Really, Ren?” Hux asked growing frustrated. “Clearly after everything you still won’t listen to me.” With that Hux left Kylo in the hanger. Kylo doesn’t regret any decisions, save for a few, and he loves to see Hux defeated. 

Thanks to his landing Kylo had small modules to fix on his ship. Fixing ships, droids, anything electronic has always been very easy for him, another one of his natural talents. He’d like to believe there was only Skywalker blood in him, no trace of Solo. The way he piloted though was a sign he was both and he couldn’t change that no matter how much he despised the Solo in him.

Many things factored into why Kylo loved to tease Hux. Everything he knew about romantic courtship he observed from his parents. Compared to maybe a normal couple they were eccentric. And that is where he needed to stop thinking. The memories only brought him closer to the lightside as though he was a moth. Forgetting was something he found so hard to do.

Snoke told him not to worry so much about it. His connection with both the dark and light was what made him strong. The agony of both sides fighting for dominance within him was tearing him apart. It was actual mental pain and only so few things took him away from it. Hux was among the things. He would never admit that to the man.

Kylo laid in bed waiting to see if Hux would join him. He wasn’t. Either he was too busy or so much from the day had built up to Hux not wanting to see him. It was just a night back to the time before Kylo really met Hux.

The only humanly possession Kylo still held onto was a datapad full of old memories. There were videos from before he was ten and still mainly in the care of his parents. Those ones he held the most dear to him. And his favorite was recording of him receiving his first lightsaber, he never knew what happened to it. Like everything else he left it with Ben Solo.

Ben Solo that’s who he was ten years ago. A soon to be jedi listening to the promises of the dark side. He hated how his parents could not visit as much as he wished they could have. He hated how Luke began to focus only on the other apprentices because Kylo was better than all of them. When Snoke came along he began to be noticed again. 

Loyalty, Kylo had to remember where his loyalty lies. He is a knight of Ren, their leader and favored apprentice of Snoke. The past wasn’t supposed to mean anything to him, it just holds him back, makes him weaker. Maybe he made a mistake when he listened to Snoke. Nothing was all right.

The same as every night happened. Kylo stared at the ceiling for hours, sleeping would only bring about things he never wanted to see again. 

Unable to keep his mind off despicable things Kylo set off for the hanger a second time that day. Flying was probably the only thing he could do to distract himself. It would probably anger Hux again later, but he needed something to do right now. Maybe this time he could trace Luke’s location. That would certainly be a change of pace.

Although by the chance Kylo did find his uncle he wouldn’t know what to do. Snoke would want him dead, but that isn’t something Kylo can see himself doing. Once a long time ago Kylo may have gone through with killing his old master and now time has made him realise he doesn’t want to.


End file.
